I Hate This Post

I don’t want to write this post.

But I know myself well enough to know that if I keep it inside my head nothing will happen.  I need to “speak” things into reality.  Once I’ve done that I have to live with it.

So here goes.

I am 30-40 pounds over weight.  Now there are plenty of 50+ year old guys who will nod their head and say “Yeah, so?”.  In my case there are a couple of  “so whats” that I can’t ignore.

First – this is unhealthy for me.  At this weight I begin the slide into pre-diabetes and maybe full blown diabetes after that.  What other parts of my health may follow along are pretty obvious and I simply don’t want to go there.  I’ve been to the edge of that cliff once already.  Not ready to go back.

Second – I hate this version of me.  Hate it.  I’m tired, I feel old, my body aches, I can’t sing as well as I know I can, I get winded walking up hills.  It sucks.  I don’t look at myself in the mirror.  I shave in the shower so I don’t have to look at myself.    Yes, some of that is vanity.  I was a leading man actor back in the day.  I have an ego and some of that is tied to how I look.

Don’t get me wrong.  I was never a male model look alike.  But as this photo from 2009 shows I was a happy, slim version.  This was still about 10 pound above where my doctor thought I should be.  I’d be happy with this.  At this weight my blood tests were all normal to good.

So here’s the deal.  This morning I weighed in.  And I’m putting it here to make it real.

Todays Weight – 205

(1/28/13)

Goal Weight 175

My weight in that photo.

Exercise.  Better eating.  Weekly weigh ins.  Time to get serious.

Now it’s real.