The Black Hole (1979) – A deep space exploration mission discovers a vessel missing for twenty years. Inside they will meet the mad genius who has found a way to travel through a black hole to a different location in spacetime. Other secrets will be revealed as they explore the life he has created in his time alone in space.
This movie holds a special place in my personal movie pantheon. It was the movie for which I had paid for admission that I seriously thought about walking out before the end. Along with the original Star Trek movie and “Starship Troopers”, it stands as the worst major motion picture science fiction flick of all time. When I stated my disdain for it last year a younger friend who is also a movie fan took exception. It was suggested that I should see it again (I have not watched it since my original viewing in 1979).
At long last, I have done just that.
Every one of my objections has been reinvigorated.
Here’s a little background before I begin to detail my dislikes of this movie. First, it came out two years after the first Star Wars movie and cost nine million dollars more than that film. This was the first movie from the House of the Mouse (Disney) NOT to have a G Rating. This was pitched as Disney’s first movie aimed at an “adult” audience.
On the upside, the movie has a great concept. It has some stunning visual sequences. This may be the epitome of the art of matte photography in fact. The movie opens with the most extensive digital sequence in movie history to that point.
In the end, it all comes to nothing. Where to even begin?
The movie begins with an overture, an antiquated affectation for which I bear no love. “The Black Hole” is generally credited with being one of the last two major motion pictures to have one. The other? “Star Trek – The Motion Picture”.
I’m about to compare TBH with Star Wars. Before the SW critics coming screaming after me please know that I am well aware of the shortcomings of that movie series. My opinion is that some of those complaints are simply George Lucas fulfilling his vision of re-creating the old movie serials. Given their proximity in history and genre they seem an obvious comparison.
The script is terrible. The story lurches along. The dialogue makes the at times awkward dialogue of “Star Wars” sound like Shakespeare. The SW characters have a depth and nuance that TBH cast can only yearn for. And yes, that’s not setting the bar all that high.
Curiously, SW did set the bar for visual effects to a new high two years before. TBH doesn’t manage to meet that standard either.
The movie really looks like the Disney movies I grew up watching in the ’60s. Director Gary Nelson’s resume is primarily television and it looks like it here. The feeling is very much a kid’s movie. Which is disappointing in Disney’s first shot at a grown up film.
But those are the simple things. Now let’s hit the high points of what’s wrong with this movie.
The science – Neil DeGrasse Tyson has called it the most scientifically inaccurate movie of all time. Need I say more?
The black hole – A force so powerful that not even light can escape! So explain why it glows blue against the depthless black of interstellar space? Even a Theater major caught that incongruity.
The robots – Oh, lord. SW brought a whole new dimension to the idea of robots in the movies. TBH clings to the older trope and it looks truly outdated here. Combine the stiff-legged gait with the silly, comic relief “personalities” and you end up with just horrible, cliche robots. Easily the worst of them is V.I.N.-cent (voiced by Roddy McDowell). The construction of the robot body screams children’s movie. It offended me the first time I was it and it’s no better now. Add in the cutesy pie dialogue assigned him (Vincent apparently swallowed “Barlett’s Familiar Quotations”. Most of his lines are quotes, which I assume were to offer something pithy to the screenplay. Nope.) Maximillian (the head robot for the mad scientist) is almost as bad. Like so many movie robots, his standard equipment includes a variety of utterly illogical tools. He is a kind of Darth Vader meets a Cylon with accessory can openers.
This movie cost nine million dollars more than SW. It had the full effort of a major studio organization behind it. Yet it falls dreadfully short of its potential.
What I find really astounding is the level of fealty it draws from certain quarters. It is compared to “2001 – A Space Odyssey” despite the fact that it falls utterly short of that visual standard. An under-appreciated classic?
No.
Rating – ** Not Impressed
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