Writing – How to Torture A Writer

Over the years, there is an accusation (quite just, I assure you) that I have an evil sense of humor.  It’s not so much that I am constantly torturing people with puns, Dad jokes and other snarky forms of humor.  It’s more that I seem such a normal, even boring sort of person. So, when my “evil” side comes out it takes people by surprise.

So in an attempt to keep the books balanced (while adding to my evil reputation at the same time), I offer you the simple way to torture a writer.  You might think I’m going to suggest non-standard English or the use of poor grammar.  This is more likely to infuriate them rather than torture them.  No, I offer up something much more insidious.  Something that will send them spiraling into the realm of self-doubt and pain.

Ask them who their favorite author is.

 

Not authors, ask for one. Top three tops.  Someone they love and read over and over.  I am willing to lay down cash money (at least a dime or so) that their response 

will be something along the lines of:

“Wow, that’s hard.”

I have never met or even heard of a writer who only has one favorite author.  Most of us are voracious readers.  That has resulted in a long list of writers whose work we love and a longer list of authors whose work we enjoy.  Their brain will all but lock up trying to answer your question.

The downside of this is that you will be pummelled with this long list, with explanations of why this one is included, or how only some of that author’s output makes the cut.  It could go on for hours.  You could start getting e-mails and texts with further additions that they forgot before.

You’ll also end up with some great new reading ideas.  So there is a payoff.

It seems only fair that I offer up at least a short list of my own at this point.

• Ray Bradbury – A brilliant storyteller, masterful writer and able to weave elements of both science fiction and horror together.
• Isaac Asimov – Prolific barely scratches the surface.  Science, Science Fiction, Mysteries.  Detailed without becoming obscure, a great storyteller.
• Robert A. Heinlein – a controversial pick in parts of the Sci-Fi world, but a brilliant storyteller, visionary and social commentator.
• F. Scott Fitzgerald – a relative newcomer to the list.  I read a short story collection of his and, after many years delay, “The Great Gatsby”.  What a brilliant writer.
• Malcolm Boyd – I was introduced to his writings on faith and struggle as a teen by one of the most important men in my life, Fr. Ralph Darling.  Boyd took my juvenile understanding of what faith, religion, and Christ meant, blew them into tiny little pieces, and then gave me an idea of how I might put them back together again.
• Rex Stout – His Nero Wolfe stories are perfect mysteries with brilliantly conceived characters.  All done in a concise format.  I’m also jealous of his ability to create the stories quickly and requiring few changes.
• Spider Robinson – A brilliant storyteller with a sharp eye for character and a sly sense of humor.  If I had to choose one fictional universe to spend the rest of my life, it would at Callahan’s.  Nothing else is close.
• C.S. Lewis – Next to Boyd, the author with the greatest impact on my life in faith.  A careful storyteller who confronts a wide range of spiritual concepts.

Then I would start discussing genres and authors whose work I enjoy (Mysteries – A.C. Doyle’s Holmes, Tony Hillerman’s Jim Chee books, Janet Evanovich – but only the ones she wrote solo, the co-wrote stuff is awful…), plus authors that have a book or two I liked (Parke Godwin’s “Waiting for the Galactic Bus” and “The Snake Oil Wars)…well, you get the picture.

Just be warned.  Once you get us started, it’s hard to get a writer to stop.

Peace

JD