Irreverent Prayers – Talking to God When You’re Seriously Sick by Elizabeth Felicetti and Samantha Vincent-Alexander (2024) – Two pastors share their experiences with serious illness, and offer their candid, darkly humorous prayers for making it through. There are a lot of bits of “common wisdom” about illness and prayer that fall flat when a serious illness raises its head. The two authors faced (and continue to face) life-threatening health issues that challenged their understanding of how to pray. The result is a book that is both heartbreaking and funny.
Why I Liked It – Normally I do these in a sentence, but there’s no way to it for this book. Stay with me.
First off, I need to be transparent. The Rev. Elizabeth Felicetti has been my priest for the past seven years or so. Until her illness forced her to leave the parish of St. David’s she was the thoughtful, wise, self-deprecating, John the Baptist loving, feisty and occasionally cranky, spiritual leader of my church home. At a time when I was in a dark place spiritually, she and St. David’s offered me a place to set down a foot amidst the storm. Today, I am pretty well rooted in that place. It was Elizabeth’s preaching that drew me in, followed by the delight of finding a fellow writer, as well. I literally cannot say enough about my admiration for her as a person and a priest. Her health struggles bring a deep ache to my heart for someone I respect and care about. So, I knew going in that this book would offer something special. I’ll admit, I can here Elizabeth’s voice in so many parts of this book!
The other item that I need to share is that my overall faith journey was profoundly affected by a similar book. As a teen, another Episcopal priest introduced me to a book written as “non-standard” prayers. As Episcopalians, our Book of Common Prayer is a central part of our denominational identity. When family friend and former rector, the Rev. Ralph Darling, introduced me to the book “Are You Running With Me Jesus?”, my Sunday School understanding of faith was exploded. What grew out of that book (and its companion, “Human Like Me”) was a different, thoughtful, expansive understanding of faith. (The Darling family were and are my “second family”. They hold a special place in my life that are beyond the scope of this review)
Where does that leave me? We have faced some serious, even life-threatening health issues in my family. There were days when I wondered about what good could come from this praying I was doing. Inevitably, this book brings some of those moments back. Those memories allow me to connect with the stories that are told in the book. When you are in profound pain, filled with fear and uncertainty, the platitudes of well-meaning people can be infuriating. They strike me as an attempt to gloss over what’s going on, to not make the person expressing them uncomfortable. As one friend of mine expressed it, it’s “polishing a turd”. While it may ease the outsider’s discomfort, it does nothing for the patient’s pain.
Thus, a book of blunt talk with God.
I’m struck by the people who think that there’s no biblical support for talking back to God. There are plenty of people who disagree, argue, even (try) to chastise the Divine for whatever shortcoming they see. They tell God that they aren’t fit to be prophets, or sulk when the Creator doesn’t destroy things they want destroyed (Jonah and Nineveh). My position would be that the relationship with God is one long conversation. And, as we are a stiff necked and cranky part of creation, sometimes those conversations get heated. When you are afraid and in pain, with no clear solution standing in front of you, I don’t believe it is at all unreasonable to vent. I fully believe that God understands.
I was struck with many of the prayers. “A Prayer for When You Can’t Pray”, “A Prayer for Anger”, “Another Irritable Prayer”, and so many more. In the times when health issues have dominated my own life, I could have used many of these prayers. The book breaks the prayers into sections. There prayers for “Pain and Anger”, “Blood and Breath”, “Waiting, Wandering and Wondering”, “Hospitals”, “Well-wishers and Caregivers”, “Aftermath”, and “Relapse”. There are so many things going on in these passages, so much pain, so much emotion. And, based at least on my own experience, so much truth.
It’s a book that no one wants to need, but one that can be the answer you didn’t know you needed. A wonderful book for patient, family, friends, and health care team. Yes, there are prayers that doctors, nurses and other medical professionals should hear.
It is the right book for the wrong time.
It is with great sadness that I note Elizabeth died this past weekend. That is a stunning loss to our faith community. I had hoped to get this review posted in time for her to see it, and hassle me about my description of her. Our hearts have a huge hole in them today.
Rating – **** Recommended
Stories Are My Life 
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